In the last 12 months, personal and health related issues have prevented me from getting out. As a I result I have hardly made any new images. During this period, however, I have spent a lot of time reading up on art/photography and studying the portfolios of photographers I admire. This exercise has taught me one important lesson - I have realized that unlike the bodies of work created by these artists, my collection so far has no purpose or direction. It was disheartening when this finally sank in but it is a truth I cannot deny.
I enjoy the outdoors as much as anyone else here on NPN and don't plan to ever stop spending time in the wilderness. However, I am not sure anymore if I should bother with making photographs. Why spend so much effort creating images when I don't even know myself what they are about? I have a lot of thinking to do but was wondering if any of you have also experienced similar thoughts and how did you go about resolving them?
Thanks.
Posted by Kent Staubus on July 3, 2006 at 11:00 PM
Anil--
Most of my photography has little practical purpose. Some of it is documentary--I take archival black & white photos of my family and have platinum prints made. I've been taking a series of shots of Life on the Northern Plains over the past couple of decades with the idea of
making a sort of historical record, sort of what Solomon Butcher did. (google search to read his story.) That's a relatively small amount of photos though.
While I said above that most of my photography has little practical purpose, it does serve an important personal purpose. It's my main outlet for personal expression and creativity. It's the way I share what I see with those I love. I do it mostly for the simple joy of doing it, and feeling creative. For me, that's reason enough. You may find some comfort and wisdom in the below verses:
""Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.
There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow. . . . .
Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.
-----King Solomon, Book of Ecclesiates
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Or, if you rather:
Small art and love and beauty their drudging spirits knew.
Yes, it is bread we fight for, but we fight for roses too.
Our lives shall not be sweated from birth until life closes;
hearts starve as well as bodies; bread and roses, bread and roses!
--James Oppenheimer, 1911
A couple of years ago, I had similar thoughts. But in the end, the question ultimately came down to why I was doing this in the first place. I simply wanted to capture the beauty of nature as *I* saw it. That others also liked my pictures was a really nice bonus.
Do I currently have a direction? Yes - I am trying to market my work, which as a body, is primarily macro and floral. But the macro and floral is my primary interest as a person first, then a photographer.
Much of what you are seeing as a uniform body of work in the photos of others has been the result of years of work, with major detours and getting lost on photographic backroads not publically shown.
Ultimately, I think a couple of things are important here: Do *you* enjoy the photographic process? Are *you* happy with the your results?
In the end, there is nothing wrong with simply watching the sun set.
Posted by Scott Elliot on July 3, 2006 at 11:31 PM
To me the purpose of my photography is the photography itself. I simply enjoy going out into natural settings, observing, visualizing and capturing an image, coming home and evaluating my pictures and making prints of the images I like and finally giving copies to friends who like the images.
I am not out to change the world by capturing some heart rendering image that will prompt the politicians into doing something. I am not out to capture marketable captures that will make me a fortune. I won't let either politics or commerce interfere with the simple joy I get from making pictures for photography's sake.
If could pick up a pencil and paper and make beautiful sketches, the way my wife can, maybe I would do that. Possibly photography is just a way to be creative for someone who doesn't have the talent to draw.
For me, the photos I take are a constant reminder of the greatness of God and all of His creation. I marvel at every macro I view. I see a living miracle in every animal I photograph. The complexity and variety of life is astounding and it constantly reminds me that it was created by Him and not some series of fortunate mistakes over billions of years. Evolution alone can't even begin to scratch the surface of the vast depth and variety in living things. When I stand in the presence of His mountains and imagine the awesome power it must have taken to turn stone on end and bend granite, I want to take that feeling with me so I take photographs and remember that feeling of awe each time I view them. I have always felt like a steward or caretaker of the Earth and all that's in it. I came and I lived and someday I will go and I want to know I took care of what was freely given to me by God.
I love for others to view and appreciate my work but the photos I take are more for me than anyone else. Just like snapshots of family and friends are kept as reminders of those who are here and some who are gone, I keep my images as a record of what I've seen and done. The difference is I pay more attention to how I record God's gifts of nature. I want them to be as close to perfect as they can be so they can hopefully reflect His perfect design to those who might otherwise never get to see it. I hope someday someone will look at my work and say "Look what he saw in his lifetime. Look at the wonder and beauty of it."
Being close to nature is like being close to God. The Bible tells the story of it all. I'm just trying to add some pictures to go with the text. That's all the purpose I need.
Posted by Cory Freeman on July 4, 2006 at 12:21 AM
Anil, here are some random thoughts:
I think you've been thinking too much! thought and contemplation is good, but too much can be counter productive. (tongue-n-cheek)
If you sincerely enjoy capturing the beaty, color, forms, emotion, etc. of nature, and that in and of itself gives YOU happiness or joy, then don't give up taking pictures just because there "appears" to be no cohesive all encompasing vision or statement.
Every serious artist, from painters to photographers, has questioned their art. Inevitably we come to a point such as you have and pose the question: "what am I trying to say?" or "what am I hoping to achieve with this artform?" I know I have recently posed the same questions. they are deceptively simple questions for sure. Not knowing the answer or deciding there currently is no cohesive vision, should not be a death sentence for ones art or condemnation of past work. If you are commited to being a "serious" artist, then embrace the challenge and excitement in developing and creating your artistic visions. I guess it would be helpful, for yourself, or any artist to know what path it is they wish to proceed down. Do you want to make your living as an artist, living life as an artist. Or would you be content with just doing photography on the side. I guess what I'm trying to say is it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Coming from a relatively new photographer here, style and vision are something that takes many years to develop, so I've read!
You might want to read Eric Fredine's bio as it has some relevance to this topic. Fredine
It sounds like you need to get out and just take pics in some of your favorite wild places. Not for print, not for sale, but just for you, what moves you, not if it will sell, or if it will get good reviews, just for you. I hope you or possibly someone can take you out to do that. It will lift your spirits just getting out there.
Don't giveup on photography if it truely brings you some happiness. Good luck and I'm sure you'll get some good input from others here.
Anil, considering what you have went through over the last 12 months it is understandable that you would be feeling down. You are getting some good upbuilding responses here. I checked out your work in your website. It was an enjoyable visit which has left me full of admiration for your work and for your ability. Isn't that fullfilling a purpose? When you start to lose the desire and the joy of doing something that you love, it could be a symptom of depression. Most of the time this is a temporary condition brought on by difficult circumstances. I have had the same kind of thoughts. Sometimes I have to force myself to get out. When I do I feel better.
I can't add what the other have already said. I do it because I love it, plain and simple. It's the most relaxing thing in my life right now. To just head out to a place I've never been before and bring back my own little piece of it, or to go to a place I've been many time and look for new scenes.
I love the whole process (even if I don't quit yet love the end result) of getting just one picture, to have the fealing of looking at a picture on the wall and know that you made it. I guess you could get the same fealing by painting, modeling, carpentry........but I have never been good with my hands.
Anil, I don't feel my photography has ever had a "purpose" and it still doesn't. It's simply enjoyment for me for a number of reasons. Being alone in nature with the One who created it, relaxation, seeing things I have not seen before. If I come back home with an image or two that makes me happy, that I enjoy seeing hanging on my office wall, then that's purpose enough for me. Photography is just a part of my life, and my greatest satisfaction of course comes from my relationship with God, and my family.
I don't know what you have experienced the past 12 months, but I pray that you will be restored. Your work is exceptional, and whether it has a grand purpose or not, it's certainly worth pursuing!! I know I have always enjoyed your images...maybe knowing that others find your work beautiful, moving, evocative in some way is purpose enough??
My suggestion is that if you enjoy photography, continue to do it. Although there may not be an obvious connecting theme or style to your work, it may be because you are attracted to multiple interests. I'll bet you can group certain images into a theme. Also, it takes time to create a meaningful body of work. Eliot Porter worked for 20 years on creating images to match Henry David Thoreau's words in "In Wildness is the Preservation of the World". And all during this time, his main photographic interest was birds.
Anil - Sorry to hear about your difficult 12 months - I hope things are getting better.
If photography is all fun and enjoyment it's a hobby. If you want to make ART (queue dramatic strings section) there is going to be some frustration and challenge.
For me, my 'purpose' seems to be getting clearer and simpler in my mind. If other things in my life are any guide this is usually a good thing.
I can't intellectually work my way towards a purpose - it has to find me. In fact, I think trying too hard to layer a purpose on to my work results in a sort of photographic constipation! I find it by making photographs. I try to be true to myself and make my own rules. When I'm in the field I try to just relax and have fun - not caring what the outcome will be. The intellectual part (editing) comes later.
I find that while doing this, every once in a while (not nearly often enough) I stumble across an 'idea' that seems worth pursuing further. I've developed a few of these ideas in to bodies of work but I've got a hard drive full of other ideas that haven't gone anywhere. I feel 'productive' when I'm 'in the zone' working an idea and a bit lost whenever I feel the idea has run its course and I'm just starting to repeat myself.
I've learned a lot by reading about and looking at art. And as I understand the work of some photographers and come to appreciate why it is considered 'great' I feel very humbled indeed. I actually have to take 'vacations' from reading about other artists and photographers - it can feel overwhelming and crush my comparitively modest projects!
And I also agree that any apparently cohesive body of work or artist's statement didn't start that way. These are in a very real sense an after the fact rationalization. The process is messy - you hope that something cohesive pops out from time to time.
Anil,
In 2000 I had a brain injury. I was in a coma for seventeen days, and my family was told to start planning for a funeral, or at best I would be in a vegetative state for the rest of my life. But the good lord let me live. I had to sell my business, go through many months of therapy, and battle with major depression. I used to play golf for enjoyment, but that was no longer possible. I needed something special to make my life more meaningful.
When I went for walks around my neighborhead, I realized how wonderfully beautiful everything around me appeared. I saw things in a very different way than before. I bought a Canon Sureshot camera and began photographing everything around me; from flowers, birds,
small animals, fall foliage, snowy days, and sunsets.
You ask why you should bother taking more photographs because you don't know what they are about.
FOR ME, MY PHOTOGRAPHY HAS GIVEN ME A RESON AND A PURPOSE TO KEEP ON LIVING AND FIGHTING TO GET STRONGER SO THAT I CAN TAKE BETTER PHOTOGRAPHS WITH MORE CREATIVITY AND VISUAL IMPACT.
Without sounding too morbid, I can honestly say that nature photography has saved my life. I finally started to drive again, last year. Over the years I have purchased much better equipment, read more about photography and have been getting an education from great web sites like this one. Starting July 15, four of my photographs will be on display in an art gallery, opened to anyone who has suffered a brain injury and has since become more creative. I can't put into words what that means to me.
When someone tells me that they enjoy one one of my photographs and that it evokes a feeling in them, I am totally blown away. If your photography gives you enjoyment and adds something more to your life, isn't that more than enough?
With best regards,
A fellow nature photographer,
Gene
Gene Steinberg
Andover, New Jersey
Some very touching accounts. Thank you for sharing!
While it may not be obvious to you, I actually do see a theme and a purpose in your work. I can usually pick your images from the thumbnail page with little effort - you have a distinct intimate style and a way of capturing subtle understated beauty and putting it front-and-center for all to see.
I believe most true artists are perpetually doubting themselves and their worth. This may be frustrating and painful at times but is also part of what fuels creativity and desire to make the next one better. As a true artist I suspect you will never be happy with any given work.
Note my reference to "true artist" as distinct from those in constant pursuit of celebrity. A true artist to me is one who creates compulsively and is never satisfied.
I wonder about your comment on purpose and direction. Are these in reference to yourself or to others?
Guy
Posted by Scott Hussey on July 4, 2006 at 10:14 AM
Well Anil, what kind of purpose or direction are you referring to. An artistic purpose, a consistancy in the types of pictures your are making, or you subject matter. Is it a purpose in the sense that you want to use your art to preserve wild places. What do you enjoy most about nature, and what type of pictures do you enjoy making. Or, what type of pictures do you think need to be made.
Sorry that you had to go through such a trial, but after such an experience it's normal that you question your life. You are a changed person and your values will change, including a refocus of some, abandonment of others, and discovery of new ones. I can't forecast where photography will fall in that, but if you continue I am willing to predict that results will be better and more fulfilling. You are looking for meaning in your life, and photography may become more satisfying simply because you put more of yourself into it and value the results more.
After enduring my worst traumas I asked similar questions about myself, my work and quite frankly, about the people around me. It's hard to summarize, but I did eventually find deeper meaning in my photography while caring less whether it pleased other people or not. It didn't happen overnight, and I caution you from making your decisions too quickly.
I think it's human nature to need the reassurance and support of others, and we tend to change ourselves to achieve that- much like adopting the fads of the "in crowd" in any school, political party or society. With maturity you are less reliant on their approval, while more confident in your own choices and values. The way I see it, that's the first step in developing your own style. I agree with Guy that your photography is already recognizable, but as a result of your recent experiences I suspect it will become more distinctive, even as it becomes more rewarding.
My answer was to broaden the ways I integrated photography into my life while admitting to myself that some were more meaningful than others. I take photos for lots of reasons now, ranging from making money to documenting family to support of social causes. I try to "balance" my photographic life between work and fun, and between social responsibility and rebellion. It ultimately became more of a lifestyle than a pasttime, while needing the same healthy management required of any lifestyle.
You might not become more deeply involved in photography, but I'm sure that if you continue at all it will be for your own reasons. You are in the process of re-examining your life, and photography might or might not fit any more.
I would suggest that before you make a decision one way or the other, you take on a photo project supporting a social issue or cause you care about deeply. If that doesn't satisfy you, then it certainly may be time to sell the cameras. In my case supporting a cause was key to my continuing photography. Whatever else I'm doing, I always have an ongoing project to support an issue or group. It's so darn rewarding that I'll keep it up even if the day comes when I stop all other photography.
The only purpose I have ever seen in my photography is to try to communicate a little bit of who I am and the way I see the world. What happens when I try to do that is that sometimes I begin to understand more and more about myself and I usually learn a new thing about the world I live in. The act of photography compels me to be a better observer, a better absorber and hopefully a better appreciator of the world and the time I have in it. There are times, however, when I get really pissed off at the whole thing and chuck the kit in the closet. Then I travel light and don't worry about communicating anything.
I don't really know what you expect of yourself and your photography but I can tell you this: on the day that the beautiful print you sent to me arrived, your photography had meaning and purpose. And it has continued to have meaning and purpose everyday thereafter. It inspires me daily.
Anil,
I do get similar thoughts. Probably more out of frutrastion of not being able to go out due to 'time' constraints...and being stuck in middle of nowhere (in terms of nature). I love to go out, more so in the mountains but have hardly done it in last 2-3 years. Before that it was financially difficult, now it is timewise. In this sense, I see no 'definition' in my work which is mediocre at best. And so I often think, why bother.
But then having camera forces me to go to the nearby forests and be close to nature. Something I love.
Your work has a definition, a direction as Guy said. You have no reason (and right, as we won't be able to see those beautiful images from you) to 'not bother'. Just 'keep the rat alive' and you will make it, that's what I tell myself.
In lieu of Guy's response, give us some more understanding with respect to purpose and direction.
I have gone through this line of questioning myself several times. The first about eight years ago which was a major tuning point for me with regards to my photography, and yes I did have to define a purpose for my photography - and I am glad that I did because it fuled my passion and has shaped my work in a very profound way - at least for me.
I don't want to turn this into a major exposition here, but let me try to be succinct. As you may have noticed from my website, every photograph I release (or nearly everyone) has some small exposition into what I saw in the scene, how it made me feel, or what thoughts in brought up in my mind, how it moved my heart etc... Maybe its what others might experience as well when seeing my photos, and maybe not. What I am trying to say is, I examine with each photograph what was ocurring in my being at the time I made the photo and then express it to others. The photograph is an extension of physical experience.
Why do I do this with my photos? Because I believe that the natural world, our Mother Earth, has much to teach us if we are willing to open our eyes, ears, other senses and our hearts to her lessons. I think we can all benefit from them and that is what I try to convey in my photos and words.
I think you do need to ground your intentions with some purpose. Maybe you don't know what that is right now - and that is OK. Maybe the purpose has not found YOU. But for sure, your work does illicit a very deep emotional response in me as I am sure it does in others.
Anil, ask yourself this... What do you feel when you see and photograph something? Why did you notice that scene? What were the circumstances that brought you to where you made a photograph? Probe your heart and any other contemplative opus you find solace in to help you define your direction and purpose. We all have a purpose in this world, we have all been given talents, and I think we just need to recognize what they are and use them to benefit ourselevs and others as well.
Being an evolutionist myself, I see it from a more secular perspective.
I've had times when I've felt the same way. I think it has to do with a mismatch between expectations and focus, something that I've personally reconciled after a few bouts of the photography blues. If your goal is to have a body of work comparable to others whom you admire, replete with a more well developed sense of purpose - I think your work already has direction - you may need to focus on finding ways to make a committment to photography that is commensurate with the efforts of those whose work you're admiring. I personally reserve that level of committment for other areas of my life, and photography is a hobby that I pursue with passionate casualness: when I have time to do it, I take what's available and try to work on improving; but I try not to compare my body of work to someone else's when I have chosen to pursue it less intently than others have.
It seems like you're going through a period when you haven't been able to pursue photographic efforts much less focus your body of work in a paricular manner. I would think that will change when you have an opportunity to get out with the camera again. In the meantime, it may be appropriate to ask yourself if your enjoyment from photography comes from the places to which it takes you, or does it come from the images themselves?
your circumstances and questions sound very much like those that spring from a point in life that some reach after a life-altering experience...i don't know the details or the depth of your experience, but, at the very least, it seems to have brought you to a state of self-reflection...and, much to your courage and credit, you have fully embraced it...
i would not be very surprised if your self-reflection vis-a-vis your photography is also linked to a self-reflection vis-a-vis your life...please let me explain...
your photography self-reflection seems to stem from a realization that photography can be something much more than a means to self-gratification and self-aggrandizement...something more than a form of escapist entertainment used to wile away way the hours or days (or in many cases, lives)...something not only deeply personal but also capable of touching upon notions that are bigger than one's self and much broader than the notion of the pleasure-principle...
this realization also seems to have arrived at a point when your photography skills have "peaked"...a time:
a) that for most gives rise to rather mindless repitition of the the same technical skill set - and resultant "mindless" photographs...photographs that may be viewed by many as "beautiful", "inspirational", "grand", etc., but, to the restless mind and soul of the artist, they hold no "truth"...no connection to, as George Harrison stated it, "the life (that) flows within you and without you"...
b) when many's interest in photography wanes, or, in some cases, comes to a rather abrupt end...it just seems rather pointless...a feeling very close to what you seem to be experiencing...many just seem to understand that technical virtuosity by itself is a rather empty pursuit...
or, c) when a few - in the christian tradition, "many are called, few are chosen" - reach deep inside to find a higher level of expression...a level where merely decorative art ends and Art begins...photography that matures and moves beyond the pleasure-principal fetish and into a realm that touches upon a much broader "discussion" of the human condition...
item "c" is not an easy task...it takes the courage to know and then expose your inner self to the world...as sports writer Red Smith once opined when asked about his writng technique, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vien."...it takes strength of conviction in the face of rejection and even ridicule...think Van Gogh...and, obviously, perseverance in the face of self-doubt...
all of that said, what you are experiencing (photographically) seems to be identical to that of someone wishing to create and live a "life of meaning" (or, at least, add another meaningful dimension to one) that is something beyond the mere if-it-feels-good-do-it thing...a life that addressses "truth" and not "illusions"...realities, not fictions...one that blends the temporal and the spiritual (not religion)...one that defies and resisits the temptations of koyaanasquatsi...
at least in some measure, that seems to be the road that you are traveling and i would wish you well...from what i know of you here on NPN, you sem to be forthright and sincere and i have little doubt that, should you choose to persevere, the outcome will be interesting...
It is a pull from inside to not just go outdoors but to capture just a bit of the magic. I also wanted to say that sometimes it is the observations from others that open your eyes to what You thought you were seeing already but from different eyes. Other people can pick up on traits that you didn't know you were revealing so allow yourself to believe kind words,learn from the sincere and sometimes just let go.
Anil, I can tell you that I've gone around with the same thing. From my early days as a kid and for many years I was an avid hunter and fisherman. I did this as much for the love of the out of doors as for the thrill of the chase or catch. One day (or actually over a few years) the thrill of the catch went away. There was always something inside my head wondering if it was really neccessary to catch a fish or shoot a duck to enjoy the outdoors. Catching the 5000th fish or shooting the 200 something duck just didn't do anything for me and I quit. It was a funny thing, because instead of keeping on hiking around and enjoying the outdoors, I didn't get out. Then along came photography and the bug was back. I very honestly think I became a happier person because I had a reason to go outdoors now. Not only that but my excuse has taken me to some of the most awesome places in nature at some of the prettiest times of the day.
But I have to say that I'm starting to feel a questiong creeping in again. I think I mostly wonder if there is something in our nature that actually says we have to bring something home or "capture" it before we can enjoy the out of doors. As a matter of fact sometimes I think it is my goal to ultimately bring back the scene only in my head and the feeling only in my heart and not use the crutches or excuses to get out. I wonder how many sunsets I've only partially seen because I was fiddling with camera gear. But for now that's a while off. Quite simply photography is fun. When it stops being fun, I don't want to keep doing it thinking for some reason I have to. I've had a time or two lately when I've sat down to a sunset and decided not to get the camera out. Or been through somewhere in the evening when the light gets just right and not wished I had my camera along so I could take a photo of the scene. It ain't have bad that way.
I have to say that there is one other thing that's keeping my photography alive. If I can at least believe some notes and comments from folks who have see or own my photos. (Some of them not even relatives or friends, but total strangers!) That somehow my photos have given them a sense of wonder and peace. I don't entertain any delusions about my photos especially supreme, but knowing that it has given people something a bit on the precious side has helped.
My suggestion is that if you enjoy photography, continue to do it. Although there may not be an obvious connecting theme or style to your work, it may be because you are attracted to multiple interests. I'll bet you can group certain images into a theme. Also, it takes time to create a meaningful body of work. Eliot Porter worked for 20 years on creating images to match Henry David Thoreau's words in "In Wildness is the Preservation of the World". And all during this time, his main photographic interest was birds.
Thank you! Gosh, I never imagined so many people would write – you guys are like an extended family. I really appreciate the many different opinions and suggestions. Given that I have been involved with photography for so many years, it will be hard to give it up for good. Fortunately, I have not gone that route yet but it is a decision that I need to make sooner than later.
Some of you have asked questions. Rather than answer them one by one, I thought I would shed some light on my photographic thinking.
- First, I do not enjoy the process of making photographs. Never have. I find it to be very tedious, cumbersome and exhausting. However, I do not know of another way to make large detailed prints (up to 22”x28”) of subjects that interest me, especially at a price I can afford. So I am stuck with the workflow I am currently using - 6x7 MF film…drum-scans…Photoshop…inkjet printing.
- I have spent a great deal of time outdoors. Growing up as a kid in North East India, we had no television, video games or malls. So apart from participating in sports, my main pastime was hiking. I have been to some amazingly wild and beautiful locations - which will make your heart stop in sheer wonder – and there I learned to appreciate and respect nature. I did not photograph those places. Never felt the need to. Those places just existed and I was there. It was enough for me. The same is true today. I really have no desire to record/document the beauty I see around me during my travels. I believe such beauty must be experienced first hand and no photograph I ever make shall come close to the actual feeling of being there.
- Although I love nature, my photography is also not about conservation, protection of wild places or other environmental related issues. I simply do not possess the skill set nor the desire that is necessary to be successful in this area. Fortunately, several, more talented photographers are committed to this cause and I admire them for their dedication.
By now, some of you must be wondering why I make pictures in the first place. Well, here is a little secret. My photography is an experiment in self-discovery…a means to learn more about myself…what I value in life…to seek out my place in the world. I could very well have attempted this in the confines of a studio environment but given my love for the outdoors, I chose to work with natural objects and natural lighting in order to realize my vision. For the most part this has been an utter failure. Almost nobody sees what I expect him or her to see in my photographs; all people see is what they want to see, i.e. beauty in nature. It is somewhat ironic because that is the last thing I want to portray through my photographs.
To recap, I do not feel the need to keep making the photos I do because they are not meeting my goals. I can either alter my current approach or re-define my goals. However, if I am not able to break out of the current repetitive mode, I really see no use in hauling heavy camera gear with me on my hikes.
I know of people who had sworn off photography for a few years then re-discovered the love once they picked up a D-SLR. Perhaps you should give it a shot if you haven't already.
No matter what people say their intentions are, being involved with photography makes them feel good otherwise they wouldn't be shooting. Simple as that.
Wow - what an amazing array of responses here. I enjoyed reading each & every one of them.
Not much more I can add for advice to you Anil but to say to look for what brings you the most joy, whether it be with or without the camera, go there & find it. Like you, I am an outdoors lover first, picture maker second. Some days, all I want is to go for a hike or trip without feeling the need to photograph it. Often I try to see the world around me with my eyes & not just with my lens & see its beauty without seeing a composition opportunity. As a relatively new photographer, I find that difficult because I'm looking at everything in a composition sense but the days I leave the camera stuff at home, or the days I just sit in one place & experience that one spot, are the days when being 'out there' helps me find my center point once more.
Another suggestion, downsize your camera world. Something small enough to slip into a day pack so its there if you feel like taking a photo, and not something that makes the journey become about the photo opportunity!
I don't know, these are just some thoughts. I do wish you the clarity to find the answer you are seeking of yourself!
I think Becky is on the right track. If carrying a camera and making images is getting in the way of your wilderness experience then it's neither productive nor sustainable. If you want to continue making images you may want to look into a lightweight system, maybe even a good P&S. Either way - get yourself out there to get re-aquainted with the things you love. Just being in the wild can have tremendous healing power.
Anil, I feel some pain hearing of your situation and wish you great strenth and courage. This was a deep and provacative post that certainly has generated varied responses. I thank you for writing it.
I too went without TV, video games and malls as a child and frequently ventured into the woods of Northern Maine with my father. As my childhood years progressed, I moved into public schools and felt very disconnected with others and have remained so to a certain extent during my adult life. I always found the wild to be my calling and where I felt not only at peace with myself, but truly free. When I started bringing a camera along, I felt a new connection - a way to share the beauty I found and express my love for wilderness lands. A contribution as well as something I truly enjoy in every aspect (well, except maybe the computers). It is my art and also a career which can be difficult to balance, but it affords me more time to do what I love. I would, however, create images regardless simply for the enjoyment of the art itself.
Soooooo, what about lightening your load a bit? Would it make a difference in your approach and attitude toward photography? I have been shedding gear left and right lately it seems in order to get back the joy. First I dumped the battery grip for my 10D, then I stopped carrying heavier L lenses when cheaper less optically pure lenses were sufficient, and (horror of horrors...I sometimes "forget" the tripod), then I got a point and shoot and left all the DSLR stuff at home, then I tried the minidigi Rolleiflex that weighed approximately nothing, and my joy seems to have gone up as the burden of the weight of stuff went down. Go figure......I don't sell images so that might be a factor here and I feel no pressure to produce a certain quantity or quality of anything. My head and knees seem to be happy campers lately...relatively speaking anyway.
As John Christopher alluded to...speak to us more about what you think isn't coming across in your images. What is it exactly that you are trying to say to us? What do you want us to know? What are we missing? I am interested and would like to hear more about what you mean.
This has become the most interesting thread I've seen on any photo message board in quite some time. There's been many well thought out responses above! Now that I have some more idea of what you are feeling, I'll give you another option. I know exactly what you mean by feeling a camera gets in the way. This is one of the reasons I've been reluctant so far to buy a digital camera--seems like those who have one are also fiddling with it and concentrating on it. Here's a thought. Instead of going for the sharpest lenses etc., why not do the opposite? I sometimes use those cheap one-use cameras with 35mm film in them. These are a lot of fun to use, and once you figure out the limitations you can actually get some nice photos. You might want to look into getting an inexpensive plastic camera that many art school students have a lot of fun with. It's called a Holga. They have virtually no controls or buttons on them, so you have to concentrate on the composition. I think you might have some fun with these, and they are a different kind of challenge. With them, the idea is to make a soft image rather than a sharp one.
http://www.apogeephoto.com/july2001/plastic_fantastic.shtml
There have been so many wonderful responses posted on this thread. Once again, I appreciate the time everyone has taken to share his or her thoughts on this subject.
Thank you also for all the suggestions regarding alternative capture mechanisms, but I am not really complaining about the weight of my pack. True, its heavy but it gives me the sharpness and detail I seek in my photographs, especially when printed large. Print quality has been an important part of my work and I see no reason to give up on that now. I have been working with my current system because I do not know of any other setup in my price range (high end DSLRs are way outside my comfort zone) that can offer the same or better results. I am sorry if I confused some of you, but when I said, “I really see no use in hauling heavy camera gear with me on my hikes,” I meant that since I do not see a point in making repetitive images I felt it would be best if the camera and associated gear were left behind at home. Replacing my Pentax 67ii with a smaller, lighter and simpler camera doesn't really address the issue I am talking about.
John Christopher wrote: Well... could you post here an example of a photograph that was largely misunderstood and what you had wanted to communicate, originally? I will personally find that very useful.
John, you had to put me in a spot, didn’t you? However, since you asked let me provide an example. The following photograph (a location shot) depicts a typical Northern California beach. http://www.anilraophotography.com/work_in_progress/rock_beach.html
I have always been attracted to such deserted stretches of coastline and have visited this particular spot several times. On two occasions, I decided to make photographs there. http://www.anilraophotography.com/gallery/new_work/new_work.html
I am not sure what these pictures actually mean but I am certain of one thing and that is I was not trying to capture the natural beauty of the location when I went about making them. You must realize it took considerable time and effort to come up with these compositions and it is frustrating not knowing what possessed me to do so (perhaps the titles give a clue as to what I was thinking when I made them). So when people who view one of these photos say, "wow, what a beautiful scene," I get the feeling that I have failed.
HI Anil, I'm not sure if this comment is proper or not, but it sounds like you feel that people are getting hung up on the beauty of your photographs and not getting to the "other" stuff that you really wanted to say. You also say you seek sharpness and detail but maybe ditching that (just for a little while) might make it easier for the other stuff to come out. Just something that popped into my head while reading your last comment.
I have frequent doubts and frustrations as well; I feel like a lot of the photographs that I find interesting, ones that I look at and see the edge of something wonderful trying to come out, other people look at and say "It's just a scraggly marsh! It's not even worthy of being called a real photo! Take it away!" And that's very discouraging. I think that the only reason for me (personally) to keep on going is that in the end when it's just me and the photo, I still see the something in the background trying to come out. And then it doesn't matter so much that I don't really know what I'm doing and I've failed to make other people understand; it's still there waiting. I guess what I'm saying is, if you go back to your photos and what you wanted to say is still there, well, that's something isn't it?
Okay, so the burden isn't in the physical load you carry, the tools you have chosen or the techniques you use. Sounds like this one is gonna take a lot of personal excavating Anil. I hope you keep using your camera and posting images while you're digging around in your head and heart.
Posted by Kent Staubus on July 5, 2006 at 10:15 AM
I think what we are getting into here are the other senses. Consider an experience I had a couple of weeks ago. I was walking alone in a wonderful pine forest. I loved the smell of the pines, the play of the sunlight on the forest floor, the sound of the breeze filtering through the pine branches, and the feeling of softness when my feet took a step on the ground. A second experience. Ten years ago I had got up before dawn to hunt antelope about a mile south of the South Dakota Badlands. I climbed a small butte in the darkness to be better able to spot them when the sun came up. It was cold and the night was clear. The sun inched its way up on the horizon, and as it did it lit the great white wall of the Badlands with reds, pinks, oranges, yellows, and purples. The sun was a giant projector and the white wall was a giant screen several miles long! The colors seemed to change every ten seconds. The warmth of the sun felt good on my face, the sun stirred the breeze and I smelled fresh sage from the prairie below. From my butte I watched as long black shadows crept towards me on the prairie floor below. I forgot about why I was there and simply enjoyed what was still the most impressive sunrise I've ever experienced.
Both of the experiences were intense but both relied on more than my sense of vision. My other senses were also fully engaged--smell, hearing, touch. No camera could really record those, or my sense of joy. I think a lot of beginning photographers make the mistake of findig a place they find beautiful, try to take a photo, and later wonder why the photo failed. The reason is a camera can only record what you saw. A good artist should be able to capture the feel, but it's very difficult to capture the scents and sounds etc. When we are outdoors, we are experiencing more than simply what we see.
I now think I understand your dilema. I show my work on a regular basis, nearly every week in one venue or another either as an exhibition or as a presentation. Out of about 1000 people who come in and view my work I will get about 1 person who understands what my photos are saying, what I was trying to convey, the soul of the work (my intent behind the photo). That one person, makes up for all the other 999 "pretty picture folks" who just come in and say "pretty pictures" and leave. Then there are about maybe an additional 3 out of that 1000 that take the time to actaully read the comments that I have next to each photo and then turn to me and express some connection to what I wrote. Of those 3, two of them will tell me I need to write a book (not that they would buy it but that is just what I should do), and one is simply moved, thanks me and might or might not make a purchase.
Sometimes the titles I give my photos are indicative of what I am trying to convey and other times they don't. In any case it will always require an effort on the part of the viewer to make a connection to what you are trying to depict.
One of the reasons that I never got into stock photography was that I wanted to photograph what I wanted and not what others wanted. So I continue to photograph those scenes that I enjoy and bring a joy and peace to my own heart first. I likewise print and present those photos that I like. If they are hit with the public that is great, and if not, I will give it some time in my show and then retire it, and try to get the message I wish to convey with some other image.
Since you are showing some example of your work, let me also explain what you are experiencing with one of my own examples.
This image HERE is my most popular image. The theme of this image is Gratitude. No one ever sees that. All they see are intensely colored and varied flowers. Does it bother me that they don't get it? No not really, because every once in a while someone does and the text on that web page is attached to the reverse, so inadvertantly they will read it and hopefully the intent of the image will be completed.
Anil, you can't blame yourself for the inability of others to see the intent of your photos in the photos themselves. We live in a society that is Art Illiterate. Its not emphasized in shcools anymore, its not condisered, for the most part, as a responsible way to earn a livelihood, and it is expected that artists are eccentric and counter-culture. Where in reality the artist in us all is in essence the feeling, sensitve and contemplative heart that trys to express what it contains to those around us in a meaningful and accesible way. Whether the medium is the written word, the brush, canvas and paint, stone and chisle, or a light sensitive medium and a lens.
We all need from time to time an affirmation from peers, those that we look up to, those that look up to us, that what we are doing makes a difference, that it is important. And we need to please ourselves as well. If making photos brings you some joy, succor and contentment, then I can't see a reason to stop. And then as far as others, maybe you just need to ask from time to time, what they really think. I don't recall now how those photos you mention above were presented to us here at NPN, but if you ask us we will be glad to tell you. I mean ask us if the photo moves us, and how, I know I will be gald to tell you. Sometimes I ask if a photo works compositionally, or how I could have improved on it, as my current post, I really can't do anything to it now, but to just know what others think, and I have had a good response.
So I for one hope you continue with your photographic endevours, because the sensitivity I see in your work always puts my ability in question and that is what is needed to fuel the desire to become a better communicator.
Well I'm coming late to this and it's hard to add anything meaningful after all that has been said, but . . . here goes:
This conversation might not be about photography or it's meaining in your life at all. Humans frequently make connections where none exist and also fail to see connections that are actually there. Sometimes it helps to stand back from what's frustrating us and figure out what's really wrong. The health and personal issues may be what this is actually about. The photography maybe will take care of itself when your emotional and physical self is intact. When things go wrong in one part of our lives, it's common to look for the problem in something else instead of addressing the real issue which may seem overwhelming and painful. It's quite possible that photography really isn't the issue here, but you see it as the issue because your not seeing the effect of other things. Trying to "heal" your photography might only cover up what's really going on and may prove fruitless if other issues aren't dealt with or resolved. In other words, the problems with photography might only be a symptom. You can try to cover it up, but if you don't get at the real cause, you're never going to "get well".
OK, that didn't come off as positive as I'd hoped, so please feel free to disregard it and go back to reading the more hopeful stuff here.
BTW, I'm really looking forward to meeting you in person.
"To correct a natural indifference I was placed half-way between misery and the sun. Misery kept me from believing that all was well under the sun, and the sun taught me that history wasn't everything." --Albert Camus
Another late entrant. I went through this tread and my mind split in half. On one hand I'm proud, glad, and whatever one might find in dictionary, to be part of this group. Treads like this one are going deep in to shape my thinking and why and how I'm practicing my medium.
On the other hand I feel your pain, Anil. Galleries are full of images screaming for our attention, that it's next to impossible to go deep with each one of them. And here lies your problem with remarks from people here on NPN. There are images of people just starting out and they would like technical critique. Then there are images from folks that would like to see at least "" sign. And then there are images from folks like you that would like to see our emotional reaction written down.
How can one tell what poster is looking for? OK, from treads like this one, one can pick up people that are trying to find emotional response from audience, and I'll make a mental note to do so in the future (up till this note will fall out of my riddle-like head).
So if I went through I wrote down, it's probably evident that the "problem" isn't in your photography. It lies in us, your audience. We are not getting what you would like to tell us, or we don't take time to see it, or there is too much noise for your taught to came through. Have you taught about add writing to your posted photo that will guide us to pay more attention to your language? I remember a photo ¸where poster asked for our feelings, but that they should be written in verses. Since English isn't my native language, nor I learned it enough to be able to write verses, I replied how I know. But it was interesting to watch how creative folks on NPN are. The tread came out fantastic (now I think it was Tony Kuyper and photo was in shape of Mark's KU series).
This are just my random taughts, and I do hope that they'll be of at least some help to you.
Ah, yes: Youssef must be up to something. Your remark about heawy equipment is what I'm thinking about: for what you described even a very light equipment would still be to heawy in your context: not worth carying around. But your readrs suggesed that lighter load might be catalysator for what you would like to achive.
I look for beauty
I look for wonder
I look for joy
I look for the hand of God
I look for ways to minster
I look for people being ministered to
What I seek, I find.
Sometimes I forget. . .
I look for ugliness
I look for what I don't have
I look for ways I have been slighted
And I find those things too. . .
No one wants to see those pictures
Lord help make me a better photographer. . .
My times in the wild places are spiritual times. Most of the time that I'm out there, I'm talking to God and more importantly listening to Him. I want my pictures to show how beautiful this world that He made is. I work as chaplain in the local jail one night a week. I make little scripture cards with my pictures on them. I've given thousands and thousands of them away. Many of those in the jail, think that life has no beauty. All they can see is the ugliness and pain and bondage of their lives. It's all about attitude. As my little poem says, if you look for ugliness you will find it, the same with beauty. I want to help people find beauty in their lives and my pictures are a tool for that purpose.
Discussion
41 repliesDo you see a purpose to your nature photography?
In the last 12 months, personal and health related issues have prevented me from getting out. As a I result I have hardly made any new images. During this period, however, I have spent a lot of time reading up on art/photography and studying the portfolios of photographers I admire. This exercise has taught me one important lesson - I have realized that unlike the bodies of work created by these artists, my collection so far has no purpose or direction. It was disheartening when this finally sank in but it is a truth I cannot deny.
I enjoy the outdoors as much as anyone else here on NPN and don't plan to ever stop spending time in the wilderness. However, I am not sure anymore if I should bother with making photographs. Why spend so much effort creating images when I don't even know myself what they are about? I have a lot of thinking to do but was wondering if any of you have also experienced similar thoughts and how did you go about resolving them?
Thanks.
Most of my photography has little practical purpose. Some of it is documentary--I take archival black & white photos of my family and have platinum prints made. I've been taking a series of shots of Life on the Northern Plains over the past couple of decades with the idea of
making a sort of historical record, sort of what Solomon Butcher did. (google search to read his story.) That's a relatively small amount of photos though.
While I said above that most of my photography has little practical purpose, it does serve an important personal purpose. It's my main outlet for personal expression and creativity. It's the way I share what I see with those I love. I do it mostly for the simple joy of doing it, and feeling creative. For me, that's reason enough. You may find some comfort and wisdom in the below verses:
""Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.
There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow. . . . .
Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.
-----King Solomon, Book of Ecclesiates
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Or, if you rather:
Small art and love and beauty their drudging spirits knew.
Yes, it is bread we fight for, but we fight for roses too.
Our lives shall not be sweated from birth until life closes;
hearts starve as well as bodies; bread and roses, bread and roses!
--James Oppenheimer, 1911
Kent in SD
A couple of years ago, I had similar thoughts. But in the end, the question ultimately came down to why I was doing this in the first place. I simply wanted to capture the beauty of nature as *I* saw it. That others also liked my pictures was a really nice bonus.
Do I currently have a direction? Yes - I am trying to market my work, which as a body, is primarily macro and floral. But the macro and floral is my primary interest as a person first, then a photographer.
Much of what you are seeing as a uniform body of work in the photos of others has been the result of years of work, with major detours and getting lost on photographic backroads not publically shown.
Ultimately, I think a couple of things are important here: Do *you* enjoy the photographic process? Are *you* happy with the your results?
In the end, there is nothing wrong with simply watching the sun set.
I am not out to change the world by capturing some heart rendering image that will prompt the politicians into doing something. I am not out to capture marketable captures that will make me a fortune. I won't let either politics or commerce interfere with the simple joy I get from making pictures for photography's sake.
If could pick up a pencil and paper and make beautiful sketches, the way my wife can, maybe I would do that. Possibly photography is just a way to be creative for someone who doesn't have the talent to draw.
I love for others to view and appreciate my work but the photos I take are more for me than anyone else. Just like snapshots of family and friends are kept as reminders of those who are here and some who are gone, I keep my images as a record of what I've seen and done. The difference is I pay more attention to how I record God's gifts of nature. I want them to be as close to perfect as they can be so they can hopefully reflect His perfect design to those who might otherwise never get to see it. I hope someday someone will look at my work and say "Look what he saw in his lifetime. Look at the wonder and beauty of it."
Being close to nature is like being close to God. The Bible tells the story of it all. I'm just trying to add some pictures to go with the text. That's all the purpose I need.
I think you've been thinking too much!
If you sincerely enjoy capturing the beaty, color, forms, emotion, etc. of nature, and that in and of itself gives YOU happiness or joy, then don't give up taking pictures just because there "appears" to be no cohesive all encompasing vision or statement.
Every serious artist, from painters to photographers, has questioned their art. Inevitably we come to a point such as you have and pose the question: "what am I trying to say?" or "what am I hoping to achieve with this artform?" I know I have recently posed the same questions. they are deceptively simple questions for sure. Not knowing the answer or deciding there currently is no cohesive vision, should not be a death sentence for ones art or condemnation of past work. If you are commited to being a "serious" artist, then embrace the challenge and excitement in developing and creating your artistic visions. I guess it would be helpful, for yourself, or any artist to know what path it is they wish to proceed down. Do you want to make your living as an artist, living life as an artist. Or would you be content with just doing photography on the side. I guess what I'm trying to say is it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Coming from a relatively new photographer here, style and vision are something that takes many years to develop, so I've read!
You might want to read Eric Fredine's bio as it has some relevance to this topic. Fredine
It sounds like you need to get out and just take pics in some of your favorite wild places. Not for print, not for sale, but just for you, what moves you, not if it will sell, or if it will get good reviews, just for you. I hope you or possibly someone can take you out to do that. It will lift your spirits just getting out there.
Don't giveup on photography if it truely brings you some happiness. Good luck and I'm sure you'll get some good input from others here.
Will
Edmonton, Alberta
Canada
I love the whole process (even if I don't quit yet love the end result) of getting just one picture, to have the fealing of looking at a picture on the wall and know that you made it. I guess you could get the same fealing by painting, modeling, carpentry........but I have never been good with my hands.
Anil, I don't feel my photography has ever had a "purpose" and it still doesn't. It's simply enjoyment for me for a number of reasons. Being alone in nature with the One who created it, relaxation, seeing things I have not seen before. If I come back home with an image or two that makes me happy, that I enjoy seeing hanging on my office wall, then that's purpose enough for me. Photography is just a part of my life, and my greatest satisfaction of course comes from my relationship with God, and my family.
I don't know what you have experienced the past 12 months, but I pray that you will be restored. Your work is exceptional, and whether it has a grand purpose or not, it's certainly worth pursuing!! I know I have always enjoyed your images...maybe knowing that others find your work beautiful, moving, evocative in some way is purpose enough??
If photography is all fun and enjoyment it's a hobby. If you want to make ART (queue dramatic strings section) there is going to be some frustration and challenge.
For me, my 'purpose' seems to be getting clearer and simpler in my mind. If other things in my life are any guide this is usually a good thing.
I can't intellectually work my way towards a purpose - it has to find me. In fact, I think trying too hard to layer a purpose on to my work results in a sort of photographic constipation! I find it by making photographs. I try to be true to myself and make my own rules. When I'm in the field I try to just relax and have fun - not caring what the outcome will be. The intellectual part (editing) comes later.
I find that while doing this, every once in a while (not nearly often enough) I stumble across an 'idea' that seems worth pursuing further. I've developed a few of these ideas in to bodies of work but I've got a hard drive full of other ideas that haven't gone anywhere. I feel 'productive' when I'm 'in the zone' working an idea and a bit lost whenever I feel the idea has run its course and I'm just starting to repeat myself.
I've learned a lot by reading about and looking at art. And as I understand the work of some photographers and come to appreciate why it is considered 'great' I feel very humbled indeed. I actually have to take 'vacations' from reading about other artists and photographers - it can feel overwhelming and crush my comparitively modest projects!
And I also agree that any apparently cohesive body of work or artist's statement didn't start that way. These are in a very real sense an after the fact rationalization. The process is messy - you hope that something cohesive pops out from time to time.
Cheers,
Eric
In 2000 I had a brain injury. I was in a coma for seventeen days, and my family was told to start planning for a funeral, or at best I would be in a vegetative state for the rest of my life. But the good lord let me live. I had to sell my business, go through many months of therapy, and battle with major depression. I used to play golf for enjoyment, but that was no longer possible. I needed something special to make my life more meaningful.
When I went for walks around my neighborhead, I realized how wonderfully beautiful everything around me appeared. I saw things in a very different way than before. I bought a Canon Sureshot camera and began photographing everything around me; from flowers, birds,
small animals, fall foliage, snowy days, and sunsets.
You ask why you should bother taking more photographs because you don't know what they are about.
FOR ME, MY PHOTOGRAPHY HAS GIVEN ME A RESON AND A PURPOSE TO KEEP ON LIVING AND FIGHTING TO GET STRONGER SO THAT I CAN TAKE BETTER PHOTOGRAPHS WITH MORE CREATIVITY AND VISUAL IMPACT.
Without sounding too morbid, I can honestly say that nature photography has saved my life. I finally started to drive again, last year. Over the years I have purchased much better equipment, read more about photography and have been getting an education from great web sites like this one. Starting July 15, four of my photographs will be on display in an art gallery, opened to anyone who has suffered a brain injury and has since become more creative. I can't put into words what that means to me.
When someone tells me that they enjoy one one of my photographs and that it evokes a feeling in them, I am totally blown away. If your photography gives you enjoyment and adds something more to your life, isn't that more than enough?
With best regards,
A fellow nature photographer,
Gene
Gene Steinberg
Andover, New Jersey
While it may not be obvious to you, I actually do see a theme and a purpose in your work. I can usually pick your images from the thumbnail page with little effort - you have a distinct intimate style and a way of capturing subtle understated beauty and putting it front-and-center for all to see.
I believe most true artists are perpetually doubting themselves and their worth. This may be frustrating and painful at times but is also part of what fuels creativity and desire to make the next one better. As a true artist I suspect you will never be happy with any given work.
Note my reference to "true artist" as distinct from those in constant pursuit of celebrity. A true artist to me is one who creates compulsively and is never satisfied.
I wonder about your comment on purpose and direction. Are these in reference to yourself or to others?
Guy
Sorry that you had to go through such a trial, but after such an experience it's normal that you question your life. You are a changed person and your values will change, including a refocus of some, abandonment of others, and discovery of new ones. I can't forecast where photography will fall in that, but if you continue I am willing to predict that results will be better and more fulfilling. You are looking for meaning in your life, and photography may become more satisfying simply because you put more of yourself into it and value the results more.
After enduring my worst traumas I asked similar questions about myself, my work and quite frankly, about the people around me. It's hard to summarize, but I did eventually find deeper meaning in my photography while caring less whether it pleased other people or not. It didn't happen overnight, and I caution you from making your decisions too quickly.
I think it's human nature to need the reassurance and support of others, and we tend to change ourselves to achieve that- much like adopting the fads of the "in crowd" in any school, political party or society. With maturity you are less reliant on their approval, while more confident in your own choices and values. The way I see it, that's the first step in developing your own style. I agree with Guy that your photography is already recognizable, but as a result of your recent experiences I suspect it will become more distinctive, even as it becomes more rewarding.
My answer was to broaden the ways I integrated photography into my life while admitting to myself that some were more meaningful than others. I take photos for lots of reasons now, ranging from making money to documenting family to support of social causes. I try to "balance" my photographic life between work and fun, and between social responsibility and rebellion. It ultimately became more of a lifestyle than a pasttime, while needing the same healthy management required of any lifestyle.
You might not become more deeply involved in photography, but I'm sure that if you continue at all it will be for your own reasons. You are in the process of re-examining your life, and photography might or might not fit any more.
I would suggest that before you make a decision one way or the other, you take on a photo project supporting a social issue or cause you care about deeply. If that doesn't satisfy you, then it certainly may be time to sell the cameras. In my case supporting a cause was key to my continuing photography. Whatever else I'm doing, I always have an ongoing project to support an issue or group. It's so darn rewarding that I'll keep it up even if the day comes when I stop all other photography.
The only purpose I have ever seen in my photography is to try to communicate a little bit of who I am and the way I see the world. What happens when I try to do that is that sometimes I begin to understand more and more about myself and I usually learn a new thing about the world I live in. The act of photography compels me to be a better observer, a better absorber and hopefully a better appreciator of the world and the time I have in it. There are times, however, when I get really pissed off at the whole thing and chuck the kit in the closet. Then I travel light and don't worry about communicating anything.
I don't really know what you expect of yourself and your photography but I can tell you this: on the day that the beautiful print you sent to me arrived, your photography had meaning and purpose. And it has continued to have meaning and purpose everyday thereafter. It inspires me daily.
I do get similar thoughts. Probably more out of frutrastion of not being able to go out due to 'time' constraints...and being stuck in middle of nowhere (in terms of nature). I love to go out, more so in the mountains but have hardly done it in last 2-3 years. Before that it was financially difficult, now it is timewise. In this sense, I see no 'definition' in my work which is mediocre at best. And so I often think, why bother.
But then having camera forces me to go to the nearby forests and be close to nature. Something I love.
Your work has a definition, a direction as Guy said. You have no reason (and right, as we won't be able to see those beautiful images from you) to 'not bother'.
In lieu of Guy's response, give us some more understanding with respect to purpose and direction.
I have gone through this line of questioning myself several times. The first about eight years ago which was a major tuning point for me with regards to my photography, and yes I did have to define a purpose for my photography - and I am glad that I did because it fuled my passion and has shaped my work in a very profound way - at least for me.
I don't want to turn this into a major exposition here, but let me try to be succinct. As you may have noticed from my website, every photograph I release (or nearly everyone) has some small exposition into what I saw in the scene, how it made me feel, or what thoughts in brought up in my mind, how it moved my heart etc... Maybe its what others might experience as well when seeing my photos, and maybe not. What I am trying to say is, I examine with each photograph what was ocurring in my being at the time I made the photo and then express it to others. The photograph is an extension of physical experience.
Why do I do this with my photos? Because I believe that the natural world, our Mother Earth, has much to teach us if we are willing to open our eyes, ears, other senses and our hearts to her lessons. I think we can all benefit from them and that is what I try to convey in my photos and words.
I think you do need to ground your intentions with some purpose. Maybe you don't know what that is right now - and that is OK. Maybe the purpose has not found YOU. But for sure, your work does illicit a very deep emotional response in me as I am sure it does in others.
Anil, ask yourself this... What do you feel when you see and photograph something? Why did you notice that scene? What were the circumstances that brought you to where you made a photograph? Probe your heart and any other contemplative opus you find solace in to help you define your direction and purpose. We all have a purpose in this world, we have all been given talents, and I think we just need to recognize what they are and use them to benefit ourselevs and others as well.
I hope this has helped you.
I've had times when I've felt the same way. I think it has to do with a mismatch between expectations and focus, something that I've personally reconciled after a few bouts of the photography blues. If your goal is to have a body of work comparable to others whom you admire, replete with a more well developed sense of purpose - I think your work already has direction - you may need to focus on finding ways to make a committment to photography that is commensurate with the efforts of those whose work you're admiring. I personally reserve that level of committment for other areas of my life, and photography is a hobby that I pursue with passionate casualness: when I have time to do it, I take what's available and try to work on improving; but I try not to compare my body of work to someone else's when I have chosen to pursue it less intently than others have.
It seems like you're going through a period when you haven't been able to pursue photographic efforts much less focus your body of work in a paricular manner. I would think that will change when you have an opportunity to get out with the camera again. In the meantime, it may be appropriate to ask yourself if your enjoyment from photography comes from the places to which it takes you, or does it come from the images themselves?
the word "crossroads" comes to mind...
your circumstances and questions sound very much like those that spring from a point in life that some reach after a life-altering experience...i don't know the details or the depth of your experience, but, at the very least, it seems to have brought you to a state of self-reflection...and, much to your courage and credit, you have fully embraced it...
i would not be very surprised if your self-reflection vis-a-vis your photography is also linked to a self-reflection vis-a-vis your life...please let me explain...
your photography self-reflection seems to stem from a realization that photography can be something much more than a means to self-gratification and self-aggrandizement...something more than a form of escapist entertainment used to wile away way the hours or days (or in many cases, lives)...something not only deeply personal but also capable of touching upon notions that are bigger than one's self and much broader than the notion of the pleasure-principle...
this realization also seems to have arrived at a point when your photography skills have "peaked"...a time:
a) that for most gives rise to rather mindless repitition of the the same technical skill set - and resultant "mindless" photographs...photographs that may be viewed by many as "beautiful", "inspirational", "grand", etc., but, to the restless mind and soul of the artist, they hold no "truth"...no connection to, as George Harrison stated it, "the life (that) flows within you and without you"...
b) when many's interest in photography wanes, or, in some cases, comes to a rather abrupt end...it just seems rather pointless...a feeling very close to what you seem to be experiencing...many just seem to understand that technical virtuosity by itself is a rather empty pursuit...
or, c) when a few - in the christian tradition, "many are called, few are chosen" - reach deep inside to find a higher level of expression...a level where merely decorative art ends and Art begins...photography that matures and moves beyond the pleasure-principal fetish and into a realm that touches upon a much broader "discussion" of the human condition...
item "c" is not an easy task...it takes the courage to know and then expose your inner self to the world...as sports writer Red Smith once opined when asked about his writng technique, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vien."...it takes strength of conviction in the face of rejection and even ridicule...think Van Gogh...and, obviously, perseverance in the face of self-doubt...
all of that said, what you are experiencing (photographically) seems to be identical to that of someone wishing to create and live a "life of meaning" (or, at least, add another meaningful dimension to one) that is something beyond the mere if-it-feels-good-do-it thing...a life that addressses "truth" and not "illusions"...realities, not fictions...one that blends the temporal and the spiritual (not religion)...one that defies and resisits the temptations of koyaanasquatsi...
at least in some measure, that seems to be the road that you are traveling and i would wish you well...from what i know of you here on NPN, you sem to be forthright and sincere and i have little doubt that, should you choose to persevere, the outcome will be interesting...
But I have to say that I'm starting to feel a questiong creeping in again. I think I mostly wonder if there is something in our nature that actually says we have to bring something home or "capture" it before we can enjoy the out of doors. As a matter of fact sometimes I think it is my goal to ultimately bring back the scene only in my head and the feeling only in my heart and not use the crutches or excuses to get out. I wonder how many sunsets I've only partially seen because I was fiddling with camera gear. But for now that's a while off. Quite simply photography is fun. When it stops being fun, I don't want to keep doing it thinking for some reason I have to. I've had a time or two lately when I've sat down to a sunset and decided not to get the camera out. Or been through somewhere in the evening when the light gets just right and not wished I had my camera along so I could take a photo of the scene. It ain't have bad that way.
I have to say that there is one other thing that's keeping my photography alive. If I can at least believe some notes and comments from folks who have see or own my photos. (Some of them not even relatives or friends, but total strangers!) That somehow my photos have given them a sense of wonder and peace. I don't entertain any delusions about my photos especially supreme, but knowing that it has given people something a bit on the precious side has helped.
Some of you have asked questions. Rather than answer them one by one, I thought I would shed some light on my photographic thinking.
- First, I do not enjoy the process of making photographs. Never have. I find it to be very tedious, cumbersome and exhausting. However, I do not know of another way to make large detailed prints (up to 22”x28”) of subjects that interest me, especially at a price I can afford. So I am stuck with the workflow I am currently using - 6x7 MF film…drum-scans…Photoshop…inkjet printing.
- I have spent a great deal of time outdoors. Growing up as a kid in North East India, we had no television, video games or malls. So apart from participating in sports, my main pastime was hiking. I have been to some amazingly wild and beautiful locations - which will make your heart stop in sheer wonder – and there I learned to appreciate and respect nature. I did not photograph those places. Never felt the need to. Those places just existed and I was there. It was enough for me. The same is true today. I really have no desire to record/document the beauty I see around me during my travels. I believe such beauty must be experienced first hand and no photograph I ever make shall come close to the actual feeling of being there.
- Although I love nature, my photography is also not about conservation, protection of wild places or other environmental related issues. I simply do not possess the skill set nor the desire that is necessary to be successful in this area. Fortunately, several, more talented photographers are committed to this cause and I admire them for their dedication.
By now, some of you must be wondering why I make pictures in the first place. Well, here is a little secret. My photography is an experiment in self-discovery…a means to learn more about myself…what I value in life…to seek out my place in the world. I could very well have attempted this in the confines of a studio environment but given my love for the outdoors, I chose to work with natural objects and natural lighting in order to realize my vision. For the most part this has been an utter failure. Almost nobody sees what I expect him or her to see in my photographs; all people see is what they want to see, i.e. beauty in nature. It is somewhat ironic because that is the last thing I want to portray through my photographs.
To recap, I do not feel the need to keep making the photos I do because they are not meeting my goals. I can either alter my current approach or re-define my goals. However, if I am not able to break out of the current repetitive mode, I really see no use in hauling heavy camera gear with me on my hikes.
Thank you all, once again.
No matter what people say their intentions are, being involved with photography makes them feel good otherwise they wouldn't be shooting. Simple as that.
Not much more I can add for advice to you Anil but to say to look for what brings you the most joy, whether it be with or without the camera, go there & find it. Like you, I am an outdoors lover first, picture maker second. Some days, all I want is to go for a hike or trip without feeling the need to photograph it. Often I try to see the world around me with my eyes & not just with my lens & see its beauty without seeing a composition opportunity. As a relatively new photographer, I find that difficult because I'm looking at everything in a composition sense but the days I leave the camera stuff at home, or the days I just sit in one place & experience that one spot, are the days when being 'out there' helps me find my center point once more.
Another suggestion, downsize your camera world. Something small enough to slip into a day pack so its there if you feel like taking a photo, and not something that makes the journey become about the photo opportunity!
I don't know, these are just some thoughts. I do wish you the clarity to find the answer you are seeking of yourself!
Guy
I too went without TV, video games and malls as a child and frequently ventured into the woods of Northern Maine with my father. As my childhood years progressed, I moved into public schools and felt very disconnected with others and have remained so to a certain extent during my adult life. I always found the wild to be my calling and where I felt not only at peace with myself, but truly free. When I started bringing a camera along, I felt a new connection - a way to share the beauty I found and express my love for wilderness lands. A contribution as well as something I truly enjoy in every aspect (well, except maybe the computers). It is my art and also a career which can be difficult to balance, but it affords me more time to do what I love. I would, however, create images regardless simply for the enjoyment of the art itself.
Soooooo, what about lightening your load a bit? Would it make a difference in your approach and attitude toward photography? I have been shedding gear left and right lately it seems in order to get back the joy. First I dumped the battery grip for my 10D, then I stopped carrying heavier L lenses when cheaper less optically pure lenses were sufficient, and (horror of horrors...I sometimes "forget" the tripod), then I got a point and shoot and left all the DSLR stuff at home, then I tried the minidigi Rolleiflex that weighed approximately nothing, and my joy seems to have gone up as the burden of the weight of stuff went down. Go figure......I don't sell images so that might be a factor here and I feel no pressure to produce a certain quantity or quality of anything. My head and knees seem to be happy campers lately...relatively speaking anyway.
As John Christopher alluded to...speak to us more about what you think isn't coming across in your images. What is it exactly that you are trying to say to us? What do you want us to know? What are we missing? I am interested and would like to hear more about what you mean.
http://www.apogeephoto.com/july2001/plastic_fantastic.shtml
Kent in SD
Thank you also for all the suggestions regarding alternative capture mechanisms, but I am not really complaining about the weight of my pack. True, its heavy but it gives me the sharpness and detail I seek in my photographs, especially when printed large. Print quality has been an important part of my work and I see no reason to give up on that now. I have been working with my current system because I do not know of any other setup in my price range (high end DSLRs are way outside my comfort zone) that can offer the same or better results. I am sorry if I confused some of you, but when I said, “I really see no use in hauling heavy camera gear with me on my hikes,” I meant that since I do not see a point in making repetitive images I felt it would be best if the camera and associated gear were left behind at home. Replacing my Pentax 67ii with a smaller, lighter and simpler camera doesn't really address the issue I am talking about.
John Christopher wrote:
Well... could you post here an example of a photograph that was largely misunderstood and what you had wanted to communicate, originally? I will personally find that very useful.
John, you had to put me in a spot, didn’t you?
http://www.anilraophotography.com/work_in_progress/rock_beach.html
I have always been attracted to such deserted stretches of coastline and have visited this particular spot several times. On two occasions, I decided to make photographs there.
http://www.anilraophotography.com/gallery/new_work/new_work.html
I am not sure what these pictures actually mean but I am certain of one thing and that is I was not trying to capture the natural beauty of the location when I went about making them. You must realize it took considerable time and effort to come up with these compositions and it is frustrating not knowing what possessed me to do so (perhaps the titles give a clue as to what I was thinking when I made them). So when people who view one of these photos say, "wow, what a beautiful scene," I get the feeling that I have failed.
Regards.
I have frequent doubts and frustrations as well; I feel like a lot of the photographs that I find interesting, ones that I look at and see the edge of something wonderful trying to come out, other people look at and say "It's just a scraggly marsh! It's not even worthy of being called a real photo! Take it away!" And that's very discouraging. I think that the only reason for me (personally) to keep on going is that in the end when it's just me and the photo, I still see the something in the background trying to come out. And then it doesn't matter so much that I don't really know what I'm doing and I've failed to make other people understand; it's still there waiting. I guess what I'm saying is, if you go back to your photos and what you wanted to say is still there, well, that's something isn't it?
Both of the experiences were intense but both relied on more than my sense of vision. My other senses were also fully engaged--smell, hearing, touch. No camera could really record those, or my sense of joy. I think a lot of beginning photographers make the mistake of findig a place they find beautiful, try to take a photo, and later wonder why the photo failed. The reason is a camera can only record what you saw. A good artist should be able to capture the feel, but it's very difficult to capture the scents and sounds etc. When we are outdoors, we are experiencing more than simply what we see.
Kent in SD
I now think I understand your dilema. I show my work on a regular basis, nearly every week in one venue or another either as an exhibition or as a presentation. Out of about 1000 people who come in and view my work I will get about 1 person who understands what my photos are saying, what I was trying to convey, the soul of the work (my intent behind the photo). That one person, makes up for all the other 999 "pretty picture folks" who just come in and say "pretty pictures" and leave. Then there are about maybe an additional 3 out of that 1000 that take the time to actaully read the comments that I have next to each photo and then turn to me and express some connection to what I wrote. Of those 3, two of them will tell me I need to write a book (not that they would buy it but that is just what I should do), and one is simply moved, thanks me and might or might not make a purchase.
Sometimes the titles I give my photos are indicative of what I am trying to convey and other times they don't. In any case it will always require an effort on the part of the viewer to make a connection to what you are trying to depict.
One of the reasons that I never got into stock photography was that I wanted to photograph what I wanted and not what others wanted. So I continue to photograph those scenes that I enjoy and bring a joy and peace to my own heart first. I likewise print and present those photos that I like. If they are hit with the public that is great, and if not, I will give it some time in my show and then retire it, and try to get the message I wish to convey with some other image.
Since you are showing some example of your work, let me also explain what you are experiencing with one of my own examples.
This image HERE is my most popular image. The theme of this image is Gratitude. No one ever sees that. All they see are intensely colored and varied flowers. Does it bother me that they don't get it? No not really, because every once in a while someone does and the text on that web page is attached to the reverse, so inadvertantly they will read it and hopefully the intent of the image will be completed.
Anil, you can't blame yourself for the inability of others to see the intent of your photos in the photos themselves. We live in a society that is Art Illiterate. Its not emphasized in shcools anymore, its not condisered, for the most part, as a responsible way to earn a livelihood, and it is expected that artists are eccentric and counter-culture. Where in reality the artist in us all is in essence the feeling, sensitve and contemplative heart that trys to express what it contains to those around us in a meaningful and accesible way. Whether the medium is the written word, the brush, canvas and paint, stone and chisle, or a light sensitive medium and a lens.
We all need from time to time an affirmation from peers, those that we look up to, those that look up to us, that what we are doing makes a difference, that it is important. And we need to please ourselves as well. If making photos brings you some joy, succor and contentment, then I can't see a reason to stop. And then as far as others, maybe you just need to ask from time to time, what they really think. I don't recall now how those photos you mention above were presented to us here at NPN, but if you ask us we will be glad to tell you. I mean ask us if the photo moves us, and how, I know I will be gald to tell you. Sometimes I ask if a photo works compositionally, or how I could have improved on it, as my current post, I really can't do anything to it now, but to just know what others think, and I have had a good response.
So I for one hope you continue with your photographic endevours, because the sensitivity I see in your work always puts my ability in question and that is what is needed to fuel the desire to become a better communicator.
This conversation might not be about photography or it's meaining in your life at all. Humans frequently make connections where none exist and also fail to see connections that are actually there. Sometimes it helps to stand back from what's frustrating us and figure out what's really wrong. The health and personal issues may be what this is actually about. The photography maybe will take care of itself when your emotional and physical self is intact. When things go wrong in one part of our lives, it's common to look for the problem in something else instead of addressing the real issue which may seem overwhelming and painful. It's quite possible that photography really isn't the issue here, but you see it as the issue because your not seeing the effect of other things. Trying to "heal" your photography might only cover up what's really going on and may prove fruitless if other issues aren't dealt with or resolved. In other words, the problems with photography might only be a symptom. You can try to cover it up, but if you don't get at the real cause, you're never going to "get well".
OK, that didn't come off as positive as I'd hoped, so please feel free to disregard it and go back to reading the more hopeful stuff here.
BTW, I'm really looking forward to meeting you in person.
"To correct a natural indifference I was placed half-way between misery and the sun. Misery kept me from believing that all was well under the sun, and the sun taught me that history wasn't everything." --Albert Camus
Guy
On the other hand I feel your pain, Anil. Galleries are full of images screaming for our attention, that it's next to impossible to go deep with each one of them. And here lies your problem with remarks from people here on NPN. There are images of people just starting out and they would like technical critique. Then there are images from folks that would like to see at least "
How can one tell what poster is looking for? OK, from treads like this one, one can pick up people that are trying to find emotional response from audience, and I'll make a mental note to do so in the future (up till this note will fall out of my riddle-like head).
So if I went through I wrote down, it's probably evident that the "problem" isn't in your photography. It lies in us, your audience. We are not getting what you would like to tell us, or we don't take time to see it, or there is too much noise for your taught to came through. Have you taught about add writing to your posted photo that will guide us to pay more attention to your language? I remember a photo ¸where poster asked for our feelings, but that they should be written in verses. Since English isn't my native language, nor I learned it enough to be able to write verses, I replied how I know. But it was interesting to watch how creative folks on NPN are. The tread came out fantastic (now I think it was Tony Kuyper and photo was in shape of Mark's KU series).
This are just my random taughts, and I do hope that they'll be of at least some help to you.
Ah, yes: Youssef must be up to something. Your remark about heawy equipment is what I'm thinking about: for what you described even a very light equipment would still be to heawy in your context: not worth carying around. But your readrs suggesed that lighter load might be catalysator for what you would like to achive.
Marko
I look for beauty
I look for wonder
I look for joy
I look for the hand of God
I look for ways to minster
I look for people being ministered to
What I seek, I find.
Sometimes I forget. . .
I look for ugliness
I look for what I don't have
I look for ways I have been slighted
And I find those things too. . .
No one wants to see those pictures
Lord help make me a better photographer. . .
My times in the wild places are spiritual times. Most of the time that I'm out there, I'm talking to God and more importantly listening to Him. I want my pictures to show how beautiful this world that He made is. I work as chaplain in the local jail one night a week. I make little scripture cards with my pictures on them. I've given thousands and thousands of them away. Many of those in the jail, think that life has no beauty. All they can see is the ugliness and pain and bondage of their lives. It's all about attitude. As my little poem says, if you look for ugliness you will find it, the same with beauty. I want to help people find beauty in their lives and my pictures are a tool for that purpose.